5 THINGS I LEARNED TODAY

Until today, I didn't know that...

1. The world financial crisis is going to get a hell of a whole lot worse before it gets better. Like really bad. As in, so glad we didn't buy a house.

2. Nadine from Girls Aloud lives permanently in LA where she runs a candle shop. Srsly.

3. Posh has totally jumped the shark by wearing 'those' shoes

4. The woman who does Sarah Palin on Saturday Night Live is actually better than the real thing, especially when she goes 'pew pew' and makes gun shapes with her fingers.

5. Apparently the number one film that most men cry at is ET. Strangely enough, number eight is Babe.

So does that mean I don't have to learn anything for the next 4 days?

MELT RIGHT NOW

A little bit of Will for you....

SUDDENLY SARAH

I won't be awake to watch the US Presidential Debate Live but I'm recording it and will be watching it first thing in the morning.  I can't get enough of this shindig!  From the outset I have to say that if I were American I would be all over Obama like a rash and he would absolutely get my vote, but there's a curveball being thrown by the Republicans.  Mrs Palin.  The lipstick pitbull.  If she loses, and I hope she does, I could guarantee she would have a career on the Drag Queen circuit.  She's fierce!  Not bad on the eye either.  

I finally got round to listening to the Republican Convention speeches (always good to hear both sides) and after getting through the awful drudge from Mr & Mrs Bush - don't let the door hit you on the way out - along came Governor Palin.  She gave a barnstorming speech which made me seriously concerned for the election result.  She was funny, intelligent, powerful.  I felt a great deal of admiration for her as a speaker, if not for her choice in childrens' names (Trig?  Track??  Bristol??? WTF).  She is a stunningly clever choice for the Republicans.  A 'hockey mom' with balls.  She can be seen as the bad cop to John McCain's "I'm not a Bush" campaign stance.  He, by the way, came across as a decent enough bloke but regardless of that he still shouldn't win.

Thankfully, Sarah Palin gave an absolute clunker of an interview on CNN which you can watch below.  All my fears were blown away.  Turns out she's actually just really good at reading an autocue, and kind of falls apart when independent thought is required.  Oh well, there's always Friday nights at Duckie.

WILL YUM

Will Young, originally uploaded by paulmonkeypaul.

So tonight was the launch of Will Young's new album with an intimate little show at Cadogan Hall in London. Really nice venue, apparently home to the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra. Bit of a different crowd in there tonight I would imagine. My stereotypes were challenged by the fact the audience was 95% women in their 40s. We had fantastic seats, Row A, although I was disappointed that Row A isn't the first row. For some reason it went AA-DD then A. Anyway, we had a brilliant view and managed to get some nice photos.

Will was his usual lovely, charming, self-deprecating self. It's hard to believe that he's actually one of those Reality TV alumni. Did someone say Alex Parks? If tonight is anything to go by, his 4th album which comes out on Monday is a very grown up, moody affair. I can't wait!

A very pleasant evening indeed.

OK LET'S GO THERE

I haven't blogged (publicly) for a while as my head and thoughts have 

been elsewhere. Commenting on the latest Jordan v Kerry has seemed a 

bit trivial over the last month. I have questioned and re-questioned 

whether or not I should use the blog to talk about what's been going 

on in my life. After all, if I met George Michael in a toilet with a 

bag of crack it would probably be on my blog before you could hear the 

police sirens. But since the first of September (now to be known in my 

head as a personal 9/1) my thoughts have remained private.

I've actually written loads. Pages and pages of free association, 

analysis and reflection. It's been a helpful process to regain some 

order in a chaotic brain. But now, almost a month on, I feel like it's 

time to go public. To 'come out' and say hello my name is Paul and I'm 

a demi-orphan.

When I found out on 9/1 that my Mum had died, the world went into slow 

motion and all I could hear was my heart beating loudly in both ears. 

In the short time between now and then, much has happened. The beating 

is sometimes still there, loud and distracting, but it is slowly being 

replaced by a sense of calmness and reflection.

I don't know why it works like this, but losing a parent has made me 

feel really grown up. When I was 17, I left Aberdeen for the bright 

lights of London. In the years that passed I thought I had become an 

adult, but it was only when I left Aberdeen again 17 years later, 

following my Mum's funeral, that I felt I was a man. I know that us 

men tend to stay in our childhoods for most of our lives, so I can 

take a bit of comfort in knowing that the little me is still in there!

I'm not suggesting for a second that my blog is going to turn into 

some depressing confessional, but recently I've been wishing that 

someone could just give me a manual on how to feel and what's on the 

horizon. Maybe by sharing some of my own experiences I can start 

writing that manual.

My tip for today actually came from a discussion I had with a GP at a 

conference yesterday. I had never met him and probably never will 

again, but for some reason he said something which felt really 

profound and meaningful. He was talking about the best way to deal 

with various types of patients and out of the blue picked the example 

of someone who is grieving and struggling with it. He said that while 

those patients often feel like they are being sucked down into a black 

hole, he finds it helpful to rather describe it as being in a tunnel 

where the light at the end is a bit distant and hard to see. Writing 

it down makes it sound a bit trite, but it helped me to understand 

that this is a process. A journey, not a destination. I've only just 

come to the realization that loss isn't like flu. I'm not going to 

wake up one morning cured of these feelings. It's more of a long term 

condition that has to be managed so that it doesn't impact too much on 

your daily life.

Anyway, now that's out of the way I can start getting back to 

celebrity gossip. We all need a bit of light relief between the 

profound moments.

BACK IN THE ROOM

And we're back, with 2 burning questions. Both of which are "Why?"

First, one of the Monkees gets his Bubbles Devere boobs out.


And then David Blaine decides to hang upside down from a building for a few days.


Honestly. I turn my back for 2 weeks and the world goes mad. Best we sort that out then!

THANK YOU

To everyone who in the last seven days has said

....hello / thinking of you / so sorry / what can I do / call me any time / it will get better / don't know what to say / sending you love....

every single word helped.

A LITTLE TRIBUTE

xxx

OUTDONE

So this weekend we had an X-Factor double bill, having not caught up from our Cardiff excursion. It's a strange thing watching 2 in a row. It becomes kind of hypnotic, but also you can see the formula at 100 paces. Still, it makes for good blogging and if there's one good blog about X Factor it's THE BITCH FACTOR which not only makes me Laugh Out Loud but also pretty much puts me out of a job because I'll never say anything about the X Factor funnier than they will. You have to check it out.

Here's a snippet, describing the preview for an upcoming episode:

"Next week: scary woman, another scary woman, another scary woman, crying woman, scary man, another crying woman, toothless old woman with a ladyboner for Louis, some woman who I'm guessing doesn't understand what "stupefied" means."

I have been wandering around work today trying (and failing) to stop smirking about the term 'ladyboner'. I can't wait to use it in conversation.

GOD BLESS YOU ALL

I'm absolutely loving the race to the White House and wish our politics in the UK was as exciting. From Hillary's "I'm in" to Obama's "Can we fix it", it's all jolly entertaining. I'm also enjoying the fact that the Republican VP candidate who is a complete nazi bitch with a 'not even after rape' policy on abortion has just had to announce the pregnancy of her 17 year old unmarried daughter. Tee hee. There are already rumours that her fifth child is actually secretly her grandchild, so I'm going to watch this one unfold with much glee.

Even if US politics doesn't interest you, I'd recommend listening to a selection of the speeches made last week at the Democrat convention. They are all free on iTunes and you can choose from Michelle Obama (brought a tear to my eye), Hillary (should have won), Bill Clinton (so cool) and the man himself B-Ob (sadly a bit disappointing at first but once warmed up got me all goosepimply).

The next couple of months will probably get unbearably schmaltzy, but hey it's better than "Yes Darling" going on about how shit life is going to be for us all and there's nothing we can do about it. I'd rather hear speeches about hopes and dreams any day.