Sunday, 13:15
I arrive at Leigh rail station where my car had been parked overnight to find this:
Not good.
Items stolen: 1 SatNav, 1 iPod (nooooooo not the iPod). Several people walk past and comment 'bastards' and the like.
14:00 The lovely woman from forensics has arrived 'on the scene' with a van full
of really cool labels such as 'firearm swabs'. I don't think taking fingerprints off my Spice Girls keyring was quite so exciting. Gave me a nice bit of paper bag to sit on so I didn't get glass in my bum on the way home.
15:00 back at home. Phone the car people for advice on what the hell to do. They will get someone from RAC windows on the case and call me back ASAP. We're rocking now.
15:30 The 'Solutions Team' from RAC calls to say that they have allocated the job and someone will be in touch ASAP with more details on when the car will be made secure.
16:o0 The 'Solutions Team' calls back to say sorry but they are fully booked and unable to provide me with a solution today.
16:05 Call the car people to advice them of the 'solution'. They tell me the car will have to be made secure or 'recovered'. AA has now been put on the case. Woo hoo!
17:00 Man from AA turns up in a transit van. Not sure why. He is not sure why. He cuts up a carrier bag and sticks it over the broken window. The car is still not secure. He calls his people, I call my people. We are both advised to await further instructions. We wait. He declines my offer of a cup of tea.
17:25 Man from AA tells me he can't do anything to help, but also can't leave until the job is finished. We eyeball each other suspiciously. The car people tell me that the AA people are useless. His yellow lights have been flashing in the street non-stop. Several neighbours have come out to stare.
18:30 Man from AA has been sitting in his van outside doing nothing for 90 minutes. I hope nobody needs rescuing from the hard shoulder of a motorway. Finally gets authorisation from his people to leave. We part on frosty terms.
19:00 Car people call (lovely Sally) to say a proper truck is coming, with a real man who can take my car away. Hurrah for Sally. She is nice, but assertive. I imagine her looking a bit like Sally James from Tizwas.
19:30 Real Man from AA calls to say he will be here in 10 minutes. Asks me where my car is being taken to. I say I have no idea. Asks me who will sign for the car when he drops it wherever it is going. I say I have no idea. He puts the phone down on me without saying goodbye. Like a bloke would.
20:30 Real Man from AA has obviously done a bunk or this is the longest 10 minutes in the world. Call car people. They have been informed by AA that car is on its way to wherever it was going. Lies. I confirm car is still outside. Sally not at her desk. Probably hanging herself in the toilet.
20:45 Car people call back. This time they absolutely promise that a right proper MAN from AA is coming. Will be here within the hour. Geezer.
21:30 MAN, real MAN, proper big butch MAN from AA arrives wi
th MASSIVE TRUCK with LIGHTS and sirens and FLASHING LIGHTS. I note at least 6 sets of twitching curtains. 2 neighbours come out to watch. BUTCH MAN's truck is SO BIG it has blocked the road. Lone man on moped sits waiting behind. Car is loaded onto BIG TRUCK. Finally on its way to destination unknown.
Tune in tomorrow to find out....
Where has the car gone?
Will it be repaired?
Will I get it back?
Were my possessions insured?
How long will I be able to wait before I buy a new iPod?
Will I ever get some sleep or will I spend the night grinding my teeth but secretly feeling pleased that my SatNav is PIN protected. Ha. Bastards.
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