HERE COME THE HORSEMEN

That's it, I give up. TV is dead - I'm calling time of death at 22:52. It's over. Pack up. Time to go home boys and girls. Cause of death? One reality show too many. Ladies and Gentlemen, it's time for Totally Calum Best.

But hang on I hear you cry. Let's put aside the BADLY photoshopped advert and look beneath the surface. The best is yet to come? Does that mean this is all about Calum improving himself through spiritual teachings? Is he going out to Africa to build a school? No. Not quite.

The premise of the show is, wait for it, "can Calum Best go without sex for 50 days". Seriously. Cameras will be following him for 50 days and 49 nights to see whether or not he can be celibate. Frankly, I couldn't care less. And even if I did care, what's so exciting about watching a programme where someone doesn't have sex? And if he does have sex are we going to see it? Will the series be cancelled if he has a wank? I just don't understand. Really, I don't. How can expectations be so low in the UK today that this is considered entertainment. It makes me feel kind of sad to be honest. It's come to this. Or not, as the case may be.

Calum, good luck in your quest to avoid having sex. Tell you what, why not get married in episode 1 and the rest of the series will be a breeze. Or how about only sleeping with women who have a PhD. I hope your talented and respected Dad is looking down on you with pride. The rest of us are just looking down on you.