First off, how much are we loving Cheryl Cole? Way much. Not only is she stunningly pretty but she also seems 'real' and genuinely nice. My only complaint is that I couldn't keep up with all her changing hairstyles and amazing outfits. I felt like an autistic kid being forced to watch fireworks on LSD. Cheryl worringly manages to make Dannii look chunky and probably has far too much hair, but we can forgive her for that. Or anything. Dannii spent episode 1 looking like she had conjuntivitis and there was no explanation for her mysteriously late arrival to one of the auditions. Why even mention it? It's not like the show is edited in a way that we can keep track with which audition is happening in chronological order.
I know the X Factor is awful, and I totally agreed with Ricky Gervais when he wrote that amazing speech in Extras that talked about how entertainment has reached the depths of parading morons in front of millionaires to be humiliated in front of millions. And on an ethical level I totally agree. But somehow this week there managed to be an element of real pathos when one of Cheryl's ex auditionees showed her how far she had come and how little he had moved on. Ok it was probably all set up and the producers were probably only able to convince him to do it if he got a story in Hello next week, but at the time it was moving. Cheryl must have counted her blessings and hugged her rich footballer husband a little tighter that night.
Anyway, the auditions are just a freakshow and for the next few weeks we'll be subjected to many more sob stories like the 13 years old mother with 5 children (which is going to be a hard one to top). Lame Award this week has to go to the 16 year old from Bridgend who had a bit of Coldplay in the background because she comes from a place where a few teenagers killed themselves. And? I come from the place Annie Lennox was born but it doesn't mean I can sing Sweet Dreams without the neighbours checking for lawnmowered cats.
Other points of interest this week: Have Simon's lips got thinner? When will Dermot do the decent thing and shave his head? Why did the crowd in Wales sound like they were saying "Wales has scotch eggs faster", and just how bloody ridiculous was it to fill the o2 arena with auditionees? That place holds 23,000 people. Even if each audition lasted 30 seconds it would take 49.62 days to get through everyone.
Suggestions are required for the X-Factor Drinking Game. I'm going to start it off with 2 fingers for every time Dannii does an exaggerated "Wooooooahhhwwww" scream thing.
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