LIVEBLOGGING THE APPRENTICE

10 minutes to go. The tension in this household is unbearable. Which is strange, as I'm the only one here. Even the cat is AWOL. My nerves are shot to bits worrying about Virgin bloody Broadband. Hopefully it will all be fine.

Whoops just realised I was still on Channel 4. Missed the first few seconds. Not off to a good start! Was nice to see Phil and Kirstie though. Anyway... we're off!

I will never tire of Lee McQueen's Alarm Clock impression from the opening credits.
Ok recap of the interviews from Hell. That was all just bullying. Will Alex mention being 24? And there goes "zany" Lucinda.

Week 12. Have I mentioned how much I love those amazing night shots of London. Just gorgeous. Claire shouldn't do impressions of Sir Alan it's really not good. Dinner with Sir Alan. Is that a treat? Alex could have worn a tie.

Football talk. Yawn. Lee looks quite hot tonight!

Claire just said she will make someone a great wife. WTF? Why not just slide under the table now and sort him out that way.

Morning! FRANCES!! YAY!! We love Frances. Alex looks like shit.

Oooh an empty art gallery how exciting. There's old Margaret Mountford. What a diva goddess bitch that woman is. She's probably looking at them thinking "you disgust me".

Teams set up. And here come the rejects!!

Oh it's not all of them what a shame! Ginger Jenny looks like she has had hair extensions. Point to me. That was a bit cruel, making them pick like it was PE at school. Ha evil Jenny was last! Can't believe Simon wasn't chosen first that was a mistake. I liked Simon.

I wish Alex would stop doing that pouty mouth thing where he chews the inside of his lip. So annoying. Oh Claire how can you tell Lee you are not in competition? You snake. Lee said fucking nail it.

They have got a selection of really crap fragrances to use as their samples.

BINGO Alex just told us he is 24. Also he has the 'full package' wahey.

Lee is mapping out his vision of modern man. He worries about ingrown hairs apparently. He has a manicure. He definitely shaves his balls. Well well.

Why is Claire talking to plumbers? They smell of bleach. Michael Sophocles is still really annoying I hate him.

Lee and Claire going for MACHO brand. Pssst? Primal? Dollar? Is this the 80s? Roulette? You what?? Why not just call it knob.

Alex and George Dawes are creating a bottle while plank Helene is brainstorming a name. She said STRONG! That's one of my predictions! Alex smells of arrogance. Tee hee.

Am quite liking the ideas for the Roulette bottle! I wouldn't buy it, but then I don't have manicures.

Oh dear how is Alex going to come up with a bottle design without a concept or a name? Fail. He's going to let George Dawes make the decision. Don't do it! A stress ball bottle? Massive fail.

I love the idea of the top up container to take out. I would buy one of those! It really annoys me that you can't get the lid off aftershave and pour it into another little portable one.

Why are they going to a focus group without anything to focus on? Helene is such a no hoper. Irish snake Jenny can't wait to put the shoe in.

Lee McQueen is like an excited 4 year old. He is so going to win. He said THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! Yay. I like the way he says bwand.

Oh god why would you let Raef make an advert after the whole Sian Lloyd fiasco? I quite like the idea of duality, although I would have some bloke in a suit who then reveals some kind of womens' lingerie underneath. I have to say I love the bottle of Dual. I would so buy that. If it smelled nice. Bearing in mind Helene is in charge of smell it will probably be reminiscent of booze. Oh dear. Candyfloss? Curry? Loser.

Lee McQueens advert is like some really terribly naff 80s Magnum pastiche. He is telling the model that she wants him to make love to her? He will take her to another... place? Wow sex with Lee McQueen must be random.

Alex wants to get up at 8. Does he think it's a holiday? These two are so going to lose. You can't be arguing with each other at this stage.

Oh my lord the Roulette posters are hideous. They should have called the aftershave Cheesy. Lee is so going to mess up the presentation. Kind of an essential thing really. I hope he doesn't panic and talk about people shaving their balls. Oh no he's having a diva moment.

Oh no I sense an argument brewing. Alex and Helene have created an aftershave that smells of chocolate. Now I'm no marketing man, but everything chocolate related is usually aimed at women?? Hmmm maybe my idea of lingerie is a winner after all.

Poor Lee McQueen just can't remember his lines.

Dual: release your inner self. What's that about? Alex sounds like he has been taken over by a cyberman. Oh irish Jenny seems to just be here this week to stick the knife in and twist it. What exactly has she contributed? George Dawes wants to inject his personality into Alex and Helene. I wonder if he will use a turkey baster?

Claire should have worn sleeves with those bingo wings. Here come the presentations. I'm nervous for them! Lee has worked his tits off for 12 weeks and is going to cry. Don't, because if he goes I'll start.

Oh dear. What's with the jugglers and porky showgirl? Is their frangrance called Kylie at Glastonbury? That was random. Claire: Gambling is important. You what?? Lee knows a cheeky chap who places a bet. He's doing well so far! Better than Claire who just comes at you like a bulldog. Lee looks and feels like a man, and wants to smell like a man. That got a laugh bless him. The ad is absolutely awful but totally in character with the fragrance. It's actually totally hideous but it suits the bottle. Claire is coming across really badly! She said the fragrance had animal notes? Does that mean something to do with musk glands? Claire is glamorourising gambling. There's something a little bit strange about this. You don't really want to ask Claire a question because she'll probably hit you. Lee did well there!

And onto Alex and Plank. Nice bit of martial arts action there! Oh please tell me they are not launching Hi-Karate (google it, 20 year olds). Alex is going to take us on a journey. Shame he is doing it with the passion of a bus conductor. Our brand is the versatility of mankind? WTF. Helene is boring them to death now while Alex poses with the bottle like he is on the price is right. Nice bottle, shame about the smell? The dual ad looks really gay! It's like a man cruising himself in a gay nightclub. Apparently someone thinks it's extraordinary! I bet he is trying to get into Alex's pants. Helene looks so relieved that it's over. Time to hit the bar!

Whoops got a bit distracted by the comments there. Thank you Nicole!!! xxx

Right, focus. They are off to the boardroom. Why are all the losers going in too? Has anyone noticed that the (geek moment) filter they use on the cameras makes everyones' eyes and skin look amazing in the boardroom.

Blimey Simon said something! Claire thinks all of the boardroom men are metrosexual? She has her finger nowhere near the pulse. Claire says they didn't promote roulette? Oooh Nick got really serious there! Roulette=gambling=debt=misery=fear=the dark side. Looks like their fragrance didn't smell nice. That's a bit of a fail.

Over to Alex. Nick just said their day was a washout. He's got the claws out this week! Margaret is being very reserved. I bet she takes them down with one sentence later. Helene is already defending herself. This doesn't look like it will go well. Alex stop chewing your lip. Oh no Helene has copied her favourite perfume! Is Angel any good? Is Alex wearing lipstick? Snake Jenny has kept her mouth shut for a surprisingly long time. Bye bye losers.

Decision time. My money is well and truly on Alex and Helene going. Oh, the gambling thing is coming up again. Maybe I'm wrong? Then again, the Dual bottle looks like it's going to bite Alex and Helene on the ass. Alex is getting defensive. That's never a good sign. I reckon they are going. I'm so indecisive!

Cue the drums. And the losers are.....? He's really milking it isn't he. Has Sir Alan had a blue rinse?

ALEX AND HELENE FIRED! Told you so. Aww Claire and Lee both started to cry. I really want Lee to win. Alex is crying too. What a baby. Still, he is only 24. Helene is probably telling the taxi driver to take her to a pub. Ganged up on in the boardroom? Oh Helene get over yourself. Alex has dried his tears quickly! He's hardly slept and eaten in 12 weeks? I don't think so.

Go Margaret! She is being really nice about both Lee and Claire. Why are the losers going back in with them? No need for that. I'd be really put off if Ginger Jenny was sitting there making faces. Michael sounds like a five year old when he speaks. Aww bless Simon I wanted him to win at the beginning. Looks like 2 votes to Claire though. Ginger Jenny thinks Lee is amazing because he opens doors for people. Literally or metaphorically?

Lee wants it.

Margaret Mountford gets great soft focus in the boardroom. Takes years off her. Claire thinks she is more calmer and considered? This is just telling him what he wants to hear. More drive? I don't think so sweetheart. Lee has demonstwated man management. Wahey! He did a good summing up there. Oh be quiet Claire you're annoying me now. Lee dewivered evewy single time. It's nice to see him be a bit ballsy about himself. Here comes the bassline.

Decision time!!!

It's Lee!!! I was right!! Yay!!!

He looks chuffed to little bits! Bwess him. He swaggered out of that office like he had just been crowned king of the world! And he gets a flash car not an old taxi. No comment from Claire then! Be careful the door doesn't hit you on the arse on the way out eh.

And that's it, the end of another series of The Apprentice. It's been special. What am I going to do with Wednesday evenings now? Big love to everyone who was here tonight and a special big smooch to Pixie for playing along :) xx

Hello Garry! Yes, it's good that Lee won, and hopefully your neighbours were pleased and not just being murdered xx

I'm fired.