Oh my god I love The Apprentice. Love it! I love the way seemingly intelligent, middle class people are given permission to rave about what is nothing more than X Factor without the singing. It's totally fake. Suralin doesn't have offices in Canary Wharf, they are in Brentwood. Does his boardroom really look like a metal blue lit oasis or is it really just a studio set? Who is Frances? Why doesn't she have a computer on her desk? It's all such baloney. This doesn't stop the chattering classes raving about it in a guilty pleasures way. The Guardian does a live blog for fuck sake.
Besides all that, the programme is just shot so beautifully well. It's like tv porn for a wannabe photographer like me. London looks totally amazing, and there's practically as many gorgeous sweeping landscape shots as there are cringeworthy moments of management speak. If I hear one more person run something up the flagpole, give 110% or talk about working til they bleed I might just pop with excitement. However, this year there are some added bonuses. Eye candy. Yum. Men in suits!
First we have Ian, the latest loser to be fired. The man had a lack of insight so amazing it made everyone else look like Buddha. He couldn't even say the word loser. Funny that, as I was shouting it at the tv for 45 minutes. He had pretty blue eyes though, and the NOTW apparently exposed his 'seedy' secret life as a male escort. Whatever. He's dead to me now. Looks like the kind of man I would see in my gym.
Ahhh Simon. The Harlow geezer who reminds me a bit of Mark Thomas from Channel 4, but with a bit of traditional english gent built in. He'd take you for a romantic meal and bring you a rose. In his big manly rough hands. I hope he shows a few leadership qualities soon or I reckon he'll be next out the door but in the meantime I do admire his shouty manner.
Now this is a weird one. Lee. He has that craggy, potholed face that sometimes makes someone look like a heroin addict, but on him it makes him a bit tasty. Rough and ready. He would probably have been my favourite apart from the fact he seems to be a personality vacuum. I imagine he's the sort who would be scratching on the womens' bedroom doors late at night. Oh and WTF he is only 30. Which leads me onto my favourite....
Alex. Ahhhhlexxxxxx. The stubble. The bedhead hair. Those blue eyes. Oh shitting hell he's only 24 what's that all about? Ok I'll pretend I didn't see that part of his profile. Bless Alex he's a bit of a big softie and probably a totally useless leader but wouldn't you love to have one of him at work? I'd hire him, even if it was just to stand in the corner smiling.
But apart from the men, the thing that I love absolutely most of all about The Apprentice is that it's so true to life. Sometimes I think work is just a big extended episode of the show, with everyone playing their part. I might start running things up flagpoles in the office and see what happens.
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